I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
