Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
