help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize