I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
