Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
