I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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