I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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