Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
