I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I donβt care how cute or big a guy is Iβm done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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