I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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