what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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