My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
