Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
