between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
