Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
