What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
