At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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