Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
