I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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