Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
