you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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