i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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