In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
