The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
