Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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