She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
