You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You made out with two different species that night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize