I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
