On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
