Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
