The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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