my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
