i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
a search helicopter?!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
