Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
