I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
