I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
