I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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