Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
