I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
