She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
