ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Randomize
