You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
