I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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