Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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