You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
