I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
