I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
