So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
