At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
