I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
