Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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