Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
