you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
