After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
