We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
