yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
