i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
