Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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