The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
