so explain again why im purple
no
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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