I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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