Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
