Umm I'm too high to move.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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