that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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