yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
