The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
