I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
