Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
